Yesterday and Today

11:20AM -- Yesterday began really well for Larry. By evening, he was in quite a bit of pain and suffered another nausea attack. The Dilaudid really helps with the pain at this point, and the nausea meds are still managing to wipe out the nausea within 30-45 minutes after taking them. I found lumps down across the front, lower part of his abdomen (pelvic area) yesterday also. He looked swollen in the region, so I did palpitate the area. I had hoped it was just the way he was laying or maybe some fluid retention...not to be. Bouts of pain are pretty regular in this location as well as in his lower back and mid-back.

Note to Erin: Sarah has a picture she colored and a letter she wrote for Grandpa Larry yesterday (Wednesday)...please, be sure to mail it to him when she gets home. He really wants to get it. Your dad told me not to respond to the phone call, so I'm abiding by his wishes.

This morning, he opted not to go to dialysis, saying he would go on Saturday. He was tired and wanted to go back to sleep which he did. It's 11:20AM and he is in quite a bit of pain. I changed his pain patch (Fentanyl 100mcg) and gave him a dose of the Dilaudid. Hopefully, this will alleviate the pain within a short time. The man's ability to endure what he does - and has over the past 5 years - and still keep going is nothing short of amazing. And, on top of that, he maintains such a positive attitude.

I'll update this later today to let you know how his day progresses.

The Last Couple of Days

04:48PM -- The last couple of days have been pretty much uneventful as far as Larry's health is concerned. While he's dealt with nausea and pain, it hasn't been as bad. He's been really tired today, but hasn't asked for any additional pain or nausea meds. His appetite hasn't been great, but that tends to vary lately. The hospice nurse will be here tomorrow (Wednesday) with more pain patches. Anyway, it's been emotional, yet uneventful as far as his health. I can handle the emotional pretty well.

We discussed several things including his final arrangements last night. He told me if he hemorrhages again that he doesn't want to go to the hospital. Just let whatever happens, happen. He said he's got to go at some point. And he wants to be here at home. He told me to make sure that the hospice nurse is called and brings some heavy duty meds so he doesn't have pain. And that I had better give him a 'goodbye' kiss. I told him I will be lying next to him, hugging him. Kisses are a given. I explained to him that I had already been in contact with the funeral home after last Sunday's scare. I asked if he wanted chapel and graveside services or just graveside. He told me "don't spend a lot of money". Then said, while laughing, "You can explain to the families why you were so cheap." Of course, I replied with "Thanks a lot; I love you too." His attitude is just amazing. I told him that his sons, Rob, Craig, and Kevin have agreed to be his pallbearers. My son, Richard, will also. My oldest son, David, - due to 2 bad knees - will help with the flowers. I asked if he wanted to call his son, Chris, and ask him. If he didn't want to do it, I would make the call for him. Lyn said Mike and/or Matt could do it as well if necessary. I told him that there will be 3 Navy personnel there: 2 to present the flag and 1 to play Taps. (Military Honors funeral) He reminded me that the government (veterans) and social security will both pay X-amount of dollars towards the funeral. I'm working on memorial cards and have written out a temporary obit so that I make sure I don't mess any of that up. I know I'm going to be a basketcase when the time comes and I don't want anything to go wrong with this last tribute to him.

He told me last night that he was getting tired of going to dialysis. He's never said that in the past and I guess it's his way - whether consciously or subconsciously - of telling me to expect him to quit going. I don't know. I didn't press it. All I said was I wasn't going to comment one way or the other. The decision to go or not go is all his, but that I would support him no matter what his choice.

Perhaps I'll get back here later to add a few more notes, but don't quote me on it. My track record for posting here has begun to waiver a bit.

01:31AM -- Well, this really should have been posted on Wednesday since it is technically Wednesday morning, but it's just the middle of the night for me on Tuesday. Getting ready to go to bed, however, I wanted to get in a quick update. Larry has had some substantial pain this evening as well as nausea. He has taken additional pain meds and a nausea pill. Hopefully, he'll feel better in the morning...umm...later this morning.

Oops! Missed A Day...

01:08PM -- Yesterday was a good day for Larry. He felt good overall and didn't need a nausea or pain pill. I suspect the 2 units of blood on Thursday helped with his overall well-being. His hospice nurse stopped in around 3:30PM yesterday. It was good to see her again. She brought us back a picture from her vacation at the beach and a lovely seashell windchime! Lyn and Larry went to the 5:30PM showing of Hancock, the new Will Smith movie. Granted, Larry was tired when he got home, but at least he got out for a while. Practically unheard of now!

Lyn left this morning to go back home. I called her around 9:30 to ask if she left without saying goodbye. She actually woke Larry up around 6:30AM to say goodbye. Said she'd be back next weekend and hoped Larry wouldn't have another weekend like last weekend. I told her, "Me, too!". That was scary...a little too close for comfort, for me. Anyway, he's napping right now, although I'm sure he will be up on his computer a little later.

My boys -- Chris and Richard -- are both off from work this weekend!!! This is good news since they have worked overtime during the week and weekends (especially Richard) since early Spring this year.

I've actually landed a new graphic design job (work from home) doing book covers for a publisher. Plus, I've been trying to get some editing done. I got word yesterday that Harlequin is in the process of reviewing my submission to them for their Nocturne Bites line. Got my fingers crossed there! How I'd love to wedge my toe in the door there, but I'm not going to be surprised/devastated if I get the big "R" either. It's not easy getting a contract with the big guys when you don't have an agent.

Okay, enough for now. I'll write more later if I don't get sidetracked.

Early To Bed, Early To Rise...

09:01AM -- Another quote I am not particularly fond of no matter how true it may be! Anyway...I did go to bed early and was up and at it by 6:35 this morning! I know...I know....Try not to faint! I got some house cleaning done and then enjoyed my coffee and cigs. Larry woke up around 8:30ish...nauseated as usual. He took a nausea pill and I gave him an Ensure to swallow it with. He wants a bowl of cereal this morning for breakfast. This is a dialysis day and he is suppose to be transfused. I'll ask that they do another hemoglobin check prior to it just to make sure he still needs one. Most likely he does as he's not real energetic this morning either. That's about it so far today. I'll be back later with an update on how his day went.

05:53PM -- Well, I picked Larry up around 4:45pm today at dialysis. They did give him 2 units of blood. His hemoglobin was 7.7 which is actually what it was on Tuesday instead of 7.9 as they had told us. He's taking a nap right now and isn't hungry. He had a case of heartburn that he failed to mention to me last night, although he did tell me he had heartburn this morning and asked for 3 Tums. That and the Ensure constituted his breakfast. He opted out of the cereal...before I actually fixed it. He still has stomach pain this evening, so he took a percocet which are 10/325mg each. His ending B/P was 158/78 and his ending weight was 89.9 kilos. His beginning weight (pre-dialysis) today was 93 kilos. His actual target weight at the end of dialysis is 91 kilos so he is a little more than 1 kilo under what his ending weight should be. He isn't going to dialysis this Saturday either. He's opted out of his Saturday dialysis for well over 2 months now. Okay...that's about it for the moment. More later...

It's Been Quiet

10:03PM -- It's been quiet and uneventful so far. Larry awoke - as usual - with some nausea, so he took a pill. Although it took awhile for it to kick in, it did work. He didn't eat breakfast, but did drink an Ensure. He's felt blah (his word, not mine), and we both know it's because of all the blood he lost Sunday. Tomorrow they should do the transfusion at dialysis and hopefully he'll begin to feel a little better. At least have some energy return. He did play mah-jong for a short time today. He had a large salad for dinner. Actually, Lyn and I did, too.

I took some time today to work in our yard. The hedges and bushes needed to be trimmed, and I did get that done. Now I need to mow the lawn. One of the ladies' who lives nearby stopped and talked to me for a while this morning. She told me that our neighbor directly across the street from us lost her husband this past Saturday. He'd had a heart attack. I hadn't heard anything, although I'd noticed an increase in visitors at their home. I haven't had the chance to visit her, but will get a card out to her.

I went to bed around 1:00AM last night and Larry told me he was disoriented. He couldn't decide if it was day time or what, so I told him what time it was. He was okay after that. He got me up several times to do stuff for him during the night, so I ended up taking a long nap around mid-day.

I'll write more tomorrow. I think I'm going to bed early tonight just in case Larry has to wake me during the night again.

SPECIAL NOTE TO AUNT SHIRLEY!!! Larry was so surprised by the beautiful roses you sent him for his birthday. Thank you not only from him, but from me as well. That was so sweet of you.

Dialysis Day!

02:39PM -- Larry made it to dialysis, although it took a bit of effort on his part. I woke him around 9:30ish this morning to get his day going. He was weak and pale, but ate a small helping of his fruit salad and 2 boiled eggs for breakfast although he was nauseated. I'm sure Rudy managed to get most of the eggs. Did his eyedrops and morning pills, cleaned him up, got him dressed and by 11:35AM we were out the door. I told him on the way over to the dialysis center that I was going to request they do a hemoglobin check STAT and he agreed. I talked to his tech - Andrea - and told her what had happened Sunday and what the on-call oncologist had said. Anyway, I got a call from Dialysis and his hemoglobin count was down to 7.9. They do transfusions at 8.5. Last I heard, he would be given 2 pints of blood. Andrea will call if anything changes.

His regular hospice nurse - Missy - called this morning and I told her what had happened. She is going to get some other pain meds to help with the constant pain he has in his lower abdomen. She gave me her home number to call if anything should happen with Larry whenever she is off duty. Missy is scheduled to be here on Friday. She said she wished more family members and patients had the attitude that Larry and I both have concerning his prognosis. I told her I can't imagine denying the obvious or hiding from it. How can you possibly make informed decisions? Yes, they are hard decisions to make...but, you will have to make them at some point. And, personally, I'd like to know everything about what's happening or could possibly happen, so that I'm not "surprised" or "shocked" when or if it occurs. Missy told me the same thing the oncologist said Sunday....Larry still has a little time left.

Well, I made up some of Larry's special roll-ups. Ham, cream cheese, and slivers of green onion. Nice little surprise for him when he gets home if he is up to it. I'm sure he'll be taking a nap once he gets here from dialysis. I'll try to post again later tonight and give an update.

05:19PM -- Well, it seems - after several changes - that Larry is not getting the transfusions today. It seems his doctors have decided that because his blood pressure is okay, there is no need to transfuse him. But wait! They put a band on him just as he was leaving so that they would do the transfusion on Thursday. Ummm? Excuse me? Did I miss something here? His ending B/P was 151/51, not great but not bad either. So, if they didn't transfuse him today because his blood pressure is okay...then, explain to me why they would transfuse him on Thursday? If he doesn't need it today - and unless he hemorrhages again before Thursday - why would he need it on Thursday? Anyway, that's how it is set up for now. Later...

Happy Birthday to the Love of My Life!!!

09:26AM, July 21, 2008 -- Happy Birthday, Baby!!! Yep, today is my hubby's 61st birthday! Lyn surprised him with a McGriddle and a candle! LOL She'll be fixing his famous Fruit Salad and his special mac-n-cheese dish for his birthday dinner. Larry's dad called him this morning around 9ish to wish him a happy birthday.

He is feeling okay this morning. A little on the pale side due to the 2 significant hemorrhages yesterday afternoon/evening. He had a 3rd one later but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as the first two. Yes, Lyn and I were both concerned. Larry called me into the bedroom and told me "I'm going to say something that might make you feel better." I said, okay. He told me, "It's not my time to go yet." I told him he couldn't anyway, because his birthday is tomorrow (meaning today). I talked to one of his oncologist's associates yesterday about the bleeds. She said if he continued to hemorrhage, he would experience rapid heart beats and difficulty breathing. She also suggested I call hospice so they could be here to help me through it should it be his time. I didn't. He was eating well and seemed to still be feeling ok with the exception of being a bit lightheaded/dizzy. Lyn and I guesstimated he lost somewhere between 3-4 pints of blood yesterday. All I know is it was a lot.

10:36AM -- Changed his pain patch this morning and gave him his meds. In the process of working on his eyedrops. Doesn't have much of an appetite, but he's drinking an Ensure for breakfast. Lyn has gone to shop at Wal-mart for his birthday dinner. She'll be making that so I'll get a break; and he'll get one from take-out. *grin* I apologize for not posting the past few days, but each time I sit here to do it, I get a mental block. The good news is......I've been cleaning like crazy. LOL Go figure.

11:43PM -- Well, between Lyn and I, Larry got his famous mac-n-cheese and his famous fruit salad for his birthday dinner. All six of his children called throughout the day to wish him a happy birthday. Both his mom and dad called as well as my sisters and cousin. No major problems for him today other than a persistent pain in his lower stomach. He hasn't taken any pain meds other than the patch I changed this morning. Thanks to everyone who took the time to email or call to wish him a happy one! :)

Oops!

11:37AM -- Yesterday got emotional and I couldn't make myself sit here and write. Larry and I finally "talked" and we both ended up in tears. He's upset because he's leaving us; and we're upset for the same reason. Told him I didn't want to sound selfish, but I'd keep him here forever even if it meant doing even more for him than I already do. Told him I sat out on the porch the other night and it finally sunk in that there is going to be a day when he leaves this house, he won't be coming back. It won't be like it has in the past...trips to the hospital for days or weeks, and then come back home. Told him I would rather be here with him around the clock, but I continue to go out just to maintain some normalcy.

Dang, it's getting hot again!!!

04:59PM -- The day hasn't been all that bad, actually. Larry woke up with pain and nausea and took meds for both. It was also the day to change his Fentanyl 100mcg pain patch, so got that done this morning. He drank an Ensure for breakfast and nothing more. Not sure what dinner will be other than the pills he took for pain and nausea when he got home. Talking about El Cabritos...who knows. Planning to take him to Natural Bridge late Sunday afternoon or early evening. It will all depend on how he is feeling. It concerns both of us that the pain patch isn't relieving the pain enough that he doesn't have to take the percocets. He's only been on the 100mcg patch for a week. His oncologist said the next step is the pump. Neither of us are very crazy about moving up to that one...at least not this soon.

My mom sent Larry a birthday card with some money tucked inside...He teared up and said she didn't have to do that....I told him "no, she didn't have to; but, she did." :)

Told Larry we were going to take a trip up to Natural Bridge on Sunday afternoon for his birthday. He wanted to go before but so much was going on with him...hopefully, there will be a paved walkway through the Monican Indian settlement...that's part of the admission....

Chris - Larry's son - called last night around 11:30pm to let us know they had made it back home safely.

Not much going on here at the moment, which works for me! Anyway...more later if anything changes/happens.

Congratulations, Alyson, Justin & family!!! :)

11:44PM -- Got Larry home from dialysis....ending B/P was 160/65 and weight was 90.1 kilos....ate KFC chicken tonight...took another pain and nausea pill when he came home, too....Larry napped from about 8:30 or 9 until i got back home (picked chris up at work) and woke him up around 11:30pm... his shirt was soaked...took it off...he sat up...fixed him a small coke and told him to take his pills....turned A/C up in the bedroom...hot in the house for some reason....at least his pain is pretty much gone now....Think I'm going to bed early tonight, myself...

The Ohio Kids Left Today...

03:42PM -- Chris, Jennifer, Erin, and Sarah stopped by this morning around 8:45am to say their goodbyes and get a couple of pics taken with their dad. It was a great visit and we were thrilled to have them here. It was good to see them again. Sarah has grown so much in 5 years and she looks like a miniature Erin. Larry has had a little nausea this afternoon, but it's been a much better day for him. Below are pictures from their visit!

Erin, Jennifer, Sarah, Chris, & Larry

Jennifer & Chris

Erin, Rudy & Larry

Sarah sleeps

Sarah gives Grandpa Larry a goodbye hug.

They're Here!

10:16AM -- Chris, Jennifer, Erin, and Sarah got here yesterday evening around 7ish. They all looked wonderful, and Sarah has grown so much in the past 5 years. She is the spitting image of Erin. Larry was eating a lite dinner when they arrived. They are all staying at the Best Western here in the city.

It's dialysis day and Larry needs to go. There is some puffiness on the back of his hands since he didn't dialyze on Saturday and only for 3 hours on Thursday. However, his target weight at the end of the day was almost one kilo lower than his set ending weight. Anyway, I have to get busy here. The kids should be back over here this evening once I get Larry home from dialysis.

Quiet, so far...

8:08AM -- Larry is still sleeping which is most likely a good thing...for me, anyway. I'm just working on coffee. His son and daughter and their families - who live in Toledo - should be on their way here to visit with him. Plans are they will be here a couple of days. Not much to say at this time of the morning...too early in this house for much to occur. I'll be back later.

Better Late Than Never...

10:20PM -- It's been a long day. Well, for me it has. I was up fairly early for a Sunday. Somewhere around 9AM. Lyn, Mike, and the girls were up and coffee was waiting for me. I like that! LOL ... Larry woke up a little later and I changed his pain patch. I had to give him one of his nausea meds. He was having a tough morning with the nausea, but still he ate a bowl of cheerios and 2 boiled eggs. Didn't drink much of his coffee. I got his eyedrops done and other meds; made sure he was all set and then I had a second cup of coffee with cigs. Larry went back to sleep for a while after everyone had left. Lyn and the family all left around 11ish, (I think, not sure) headed home to SC. Plans are that Lyn will be coming back next week to stay for the entire week -- her vacation. Larry got up around 2PM and went in to play mah-jong on his computer after checking email. I went to bed and napped off and on all afternoon. Larry ate the leftover P-Zone for dinner. He really liked it. And, poor Rudy...he's been moping around all day ever since Lyn took Katie, Nicky, and her granddaughters home. He was having the time of his life with them. Think I'll take him for a short walk. More later!

Lynell, Mike, Nora, Mellie, and the 4-footed kids....

10:15PM -- Nicky and Katie, arrived yesterday evening after stopping by Subway and bringing Larry a Pastrami on Garlic bread. I did my usual and disappeared last night. Met up with a group of my girlfriends (8 of us) and had a great time listening to an awesome local band called Desert Rose. I was home before midnight because Larry needed eyedrops - his morning drops were done late in the day yesterday. Plus, I had to pick up my oldest son - David (I call him Chris) - from work. Anyway, it turned out to be a decent day.

I got up around 8ish this morning. Larry seems to be having an okay day so far. More later...

Beware....

10:23AM -- I managed to crawl in to bed this morning around 4:00am; I was awakened at 5:00am; managed to go back to a on-again, off-again sleep until about 9:00am. Dragged myself out of bed, went back into the bedroom to check on him and to change his pain patch; plus, clean him up...and got growled at because I'm not this cheerful barbie-doll "oh it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood" kinda morning person. Yes, I got a little testy. But, mornings aren't my forte'. Never have been and never will be. We've been through this before. So, anyway...I took care of what I went in there to do...and walked out. So...now the stage has been set for my day. I bypassed rare form and arrived at b***h mode in record time. Silence is golden...in this case with Larry at the moment (or anyone else for that matter), it's mandatory.

1:39PM -- Well, I do what I normally do when I get angry or frustrated...I worked around the house. I got the mower out and cut the grass. By the time I finished I was almost human again. I helped Larry get up and settled in front of his computer. Then fixed him celery and peanut butter (his request) and iced - unsweetened - tea. Got his eyedrops done and apologized for earlier. Lyn called...she's suppose to be here around 6ish. She's bringing DeeDee's 2 girls, Nora and Mellie. Anyway, I've got to get moving again. Back later...

Larry's Dialysis "Girls"...LOL

Right: Darlene is the receptionist
for the dialysis unit. A sweetie!

Right: Lauren is an RN and serves as charge nurse also. You can tell from the smile on Larry's face how much he enjoys having her around.

Right: Janice is a tech. A nice lady, indeed! All that paraphanelia she's holding just came off of Larry's dialysis machine.

A Few Tidbits About Larry & Me...

I thought those of you who haven't kept up with us would enjoy a little bit of history.

1. Larry is a Michigan native. I'm a Virginia native.
2. Larry has 6 children (3 live in Missouri, 2 in Ohio, & his Army son is currently in DC for a few more weeks). I have 2 (here in Virginia). All grown.
3. Larry has 11 grandchildren. I have zero by my boys. (Fine with me!!! LOL)
4. Larry and I met online (his nick: Lord_M ~~ my nick: mickieb) the first week of May in 1999. Our first words to one another were "I'm not looking for anyone. Just friendly conversation." Both were disillusioned with marriage as our second attempts at wedded bliss were pretty much over. We both moved out prior to meeting.
5. We talked online practically around the clock for four months. Things just "clicked".
6. He lived in Ohio and I was living in the Northern Tier of New York state.
7. On Saturday, August 7, 1999, Larry and daughter Alyson drove through Canada to Rouses Point and he and I met face-to-face for the first time. We have been together ever since.
8. Before moving to South Carolina, the American Legion Post 553 in Toledo, Ohio recognized Larry in a special meeting. They bestowed him with a Resolution naming him as Honorary Post Commander. He is the only member in the history of the Post to receive this recognition. Had he stayed in Toledo just one more year, he would have been eligible to run for the position. Larry managed Bingo for the Legion for years and participated in many of the projects.
9. We lived in Toledo from August 1999 until September 11, 2000; moving to Swansea, South Carolina to rent from his sister, Lynell. Larry never drove again, not trusting his legs and hands due to his peripheral neuropathy.
10. On April 27, 2001, Larry and I got married at our home in SC at 10:30PM. His sister was a notary at the time and she performed the ceremony. The reason for the late hour? We had to wait for Lyn to get back from her grandson's ball game. LOL! The hour didn't matter to us, as Larry and I have always been night owls anyway.
11. On April 28, 2003, my dad passed away.
12. On May 16, 2003, Larry was admitted to ICU in West Columbia, South Carolina due to his kidneys failing and the necessity of amputating 1½ toes on his left foot. He also needed a pacemaker implanted (June 2, 2003). Larry had to have temporary dialysis and ended up losing 142 lbs. of fluid. Craig was in Iraq and brought home via Red Cross as Larry's doctors did not think he would live.
13. Larry came home on June 6, 2003 and was doing well until I noticed the purple bruising on the bottom of his left foot.
14. August 2, 2003 -- Larry admitted to the hospital again. His left leg was amputated below the knee. He's been wheelchair dependent ever since, as the Charcot joint/ankle in his other foot will not bear his weight long enough to qualify him for a prosthetic. He was put on dialysis treatment permanently at this time, 3 days a week.
15. Larry came home in mid-September for one weekend and had to be re-admitted to the hospital due to a Stage 4 sacral wound. He was hooked up to a wound vac until Thanksgiving Day that year.
16. I found out my youngest brother was diagnosed with Lupus and it was decided we would move to Virginia. We moved into our home in Lynchburg in June 2004 and closed on it in July 2004.
17. Larry was diagnosed with rectal cancer in May 2006 but all biopsies were benign. He was a Stage 0. He was in the process of trying to save his eyesight in his right eye with weekly trips to Duke University through December 2006. He lost that battle and is considered legally blind in that eye today.
18. He has experienced multiple failed attempts at grafts and fistulas throughout the past 2 years which would have enhanced his dialysis treatments for a longer lifespan.
19. On January 26, 2008, Larry experienced his first heart attack and was taken by ambulance to LGH. He had a heart cath done and the doctor told me his chance of survival without the stent/s was very little. He also said there was an increased risk doing a stent due to his overall health and the fact that all 3 arteries in the heart were practically blocked. A stent was put in the artery that was 90% blocked. The doctor said he could not do any other stents until the rectal bleeding was stopped.
20. Larry scheduled a flex-sigmoidscopy in February. The tumor was now a Stage 4. Radiation was out of the picture due to the sacral wound of 2003. There were only 2 chemo drugs out of the 7 available that the oncologist could use due to his dialysis. They would make him bedridden.
21. In April a CT scan revealed lymph nodes were involved and a possible metastisis to the right lung.
22. Larry then had a PET scan done. The PET did not show the met to the lung, but 3 spots on his liver lit up like a Christmas tree.
23. May 2008, Larry was told without any treatment he may have 6 months left. Larry is adamant about remaining mobile as long as possible. He does not want to spend his life bedridden. Hospice to come in.
24. May 12, 2008, Larry is admitted to LGH via ambulance because he is too weak to get into our van. He was confused and didn't know what day it was or year. Larry was having mini-strokes. Zoning out and unable to comprehend.
25. May 27th, Larry came home from LM&Rehab and told me he was not going back to a hospital again no matter what happened.

What's on tap for today...

10:47AM -- Larry is eating breakfast at the moment...2 hard boiled eggs and a serving of sliced peaches. He had a bad night last night. His lower stomach was hurting and I had to give him one of his Percocets. This concerns me because I had just put on his 100mcg Fentanyl patch for pain yesterday morning. I don't change it again until tomorrow. Today is dialysis day, so I'm in a crunch for time at the moment. I'll write more later.

12:19PM -- Just got back from dropping Larry off at dialysis. He's got a little more strength today than he had yesterday, but he isn't feeling well. He is only going to run 3 hours today instead of his usual 4. His ending target weight is 91 kilos. When he weighed in this morning, he was at 92.7 kilos. Not a lot to take off fluid wise. I've got a call in to his oncologist, Dr. Paul. I'm very concerned that the 100mcg pain patch isn't keeping his pain at bay. I'll wait to see what she has to say about it. I know this is the highest dosage on this patch, but the hospice nurse says we can always put a lower dosage one on along with the 100mcg.

4:43PM -- Got Larry back home around 4:00ish. He wanted me to stop and pick up a few things on the way home at the grocery store. Gawd, I hate shopping. Anyway, his oncologist called me back and told me the patch wasn't going to take away all the pain, and that taking percocets a couple times a day was just fine. The next step would be a pump. Larry doesn't want to be "zoned out" or sleeping all the time, so this was basically good news about the percocets. Now, on to other stuff! Dinner should be easy enough...he's going to have his wings from last night with celery and blue cheese dressing. He seems to be feeling much better than this morning, but he is still complaining with a dull, nagging pain in his left side. Got some more pics of his "girls" at dialysis! I'll post them shortly.

Rise and Shine!!! (bleck!!!)

08:51AM -- I have always hated that remark. Kinda makes you want to shove the person's fingers in an electrical outlet. Okay...maybe you never had that thought. Managed to crawl into bed last night around ... hmmm ... guess it was this morning ... 1:30ish. Got up about 2 hours ago. I was in rare form yesterday. Nerves...Stress at the root of it, most likely. I'm not sure what form I'm in yet today...too early. Don't want to post a lot at the moment...I haven't had coffee yet. I've been busy taking care of Larry's personal needs since I got up this morning. I'll update this post off-and-on as the day progresses. A hospice nurse is due to stop by today. With Missy on vacation, I don't know who the nurse is that's assigned to him until she gets back in a couple of weeks. Oh well, later....

12:43PM -- Well, Larry isn't having a good day. I changed his 75mcg pain patch this morning to the 100mcg. He's nauseated and hasn't eaten anything. He's taken one each of his nausea meds so far. He did drink an Ensure, which is a good thing. Diarrhea is his friend once again. I don't think his system understands the words "middle ground". Seems it is either one extreme or the other. Oh well...it's an immodium day, I guess. The hospice nurse - I think her name is Alice, but don't quote me on it - will be here late this afternoon. I checked the lumps on Larry's backside this morning, not even bothering to measure. The larger one appears to be about half way up his back over the kidney area now by touch. It's not sitting up on the skin and as visible to the eye. Actually appears as slight swelling in the area. The other one which is at the top of his left thigh appears to be about the same size as the day I found it. The one on his lower right hip isn't as noticeable on the surface, but has spread (by touch) up that hip and almost meets the larger one. Just got a call from Hospice, and the nurse will be here somewhere around 4pm today.

04:25PM -- Larry got his replacement phone today! YAY!!! I'll take it to the Sprint store after the nurse leaves this afternoon. (She's late.) Well, at least he's feeling better. Tonight's dinner will be Little Ceasars' Italian Cheese Bread and an order of their Hot Wings. More later...

11:42PM -- The hospice nurse, Alice, came by around 4:30pm. Nice lady. Had a heck of a storm and lightning struck a tree (splitting it in half to the ground) four doors down. This left us without power, but our electric company had it back on in less than 2 hours. Larry ate less than half of his Italian Cheese Bread (with extra cheese) and the wings went in the fridge, too. An unusual occurance in this house, Larry ate at the kitchen table. Once he was finished, we talked for a while. His other son, Chris - who lives in Toledo - will be coming down for a visit next week with his wife and Larry's other daughter, Erin. She'll be bringing her boyfriend/hubby and Larry's granddaughter, Sarah. He's so excited. He didn't think the two of them would be able to come see him. I, also, got his phone working. So, he's all set to go! Had to pick him up a slurpee tonight. Not his usual Mtn. Dew, Pepsi, or Coke though. Ended up surprising him with a Wild Cherry because the 7-11 other options were Monster and Full Throttle. No way!!! Energy slurpees in the middle of the night are out of the question! LOL

After Larry ate tonight, I got out my clippers and trimmed up his beard and mustache. Here's a picture of him at his computer after I finished doing the "barber" thing. Yes, he actually has lips under there!

Larry's Doing Okay Tonight...

Just a quick note to let you know he's having an okay night. He took his nap and ate a light dinner. He's watching television at the moment. I'm about ready to drop, so I'll head to bed soon. It's been a rough day for me, but I got through it without killing anybody. That's a plus. Gawdddd...do you think someone will read that and send the cops here to lock me up? Would be my luck. I'm speaking figuratively, people! Not literally! Hell, I don't even watch blood-n-gore movies!!!

Coming up on the end of the day....

and none too soon, I might add. Well, it turns out I had to go through insurance to get Larry's phone replaced - I won't even bother to tell you what a hassle it was just to get a live person on the other end of the phone after 3 attempts. The rep I finally got to speak with - Marcia - was very nice and quite accommodating. However, it will take 1 - 2 days to get his replacement phone and then I have to take it to the retail store so they can transfer all his numbers and msgs over to the new one.

Larry did okay at dialysis. B/P was 175/70 which is good for him. His ending target weight was good at 91.2 kilos. He's tired so brought him home and tucked him in bed. Said he slept during part of dialysis also. He'll nap for a while and then eat something for dinner...hopefully, take out or at least something easy to fix here at home.

Enough for now...I'll update this entry later if something is "print" worthy. Want to thank everyone for their comments and emails. Later all!!!

Oh, they have no idea who they are dealing with...

Larry's cell phone decided to go on the fritz Sunday, so I dropped Larry off at dialysis, ran by his eye specialist's office to pick up a drop that he has to have, and then off across town to Sprint's retail store with his cell in my hand. I was almost immediately taken care of by a friendly face who checked out his phone and then handed it back to me. She sent me out in the opposite direction to their "repair and return" store on Timberlake. Traffic during this time of the day on either of those streets is more than I care to deal with. I stopped for a red light and the fool next to me just kept going and barely missed a van pulling into the intersection. And the fool - get this - acted like it was the other driver's fault. I swear, my last life (ex-hubby) was correct...Virginians drive like Quebec-ers. They have no idea what a turn signal is for and posted speed limit signs are only for the pigeons to make pit stops on...and whatever else pigeons do to stationary objects they decide to take a break on.

Anyway, I get out to the repair store and immediately I am taken care of. Only to be told minutes later that the charger access on his phone is corroded and insurance (yes, I pay that extra $8/month) will require me to call them, return the phone, pay a fee and ship me a new phone. Well, that's just not going to work. I told the guy that my dh (darling hubby) is terminally ill with only a few weeks left, so there isn't enough time for all that run-around crap. And, his phone is his lifeline to me...he HAS to have a phone NOW...not tomorrow...not next week...and certainly not next MONTH!!!

So, I will have to go back to the retail store and haggle -- or bitch (their choice) -- over exchanging this phone for a new phone that works. Trust me....if you've ever been around me when Larry was in a hospital somewhere, you know how I can be when I'm not a happy camper. I will almost bet you having to do this today - with the added stress of being told yesterday that Larry has only a few weeks left - my tolerance level is a shorter fuse than usual. Yes, I'll try the "sweet-enough-to-give-you-cavities" route first...but that will probably last less than 5 minutes if I run into an obstinate, "we can't exchange it here" attitude.

Going to be another interesting evening, I suspect.

I never thought I'd pray...

for Larry to have a bowel movement, but I found myself doing just that yesterday on more than one occasion. The MOM worked last evening without setting off a brigade of battles with diarrhea. YAY!!! So, it seems we have moved from Immodium 2 times per day to 2 Tbls. of MOM as needed. (Doesn't take much for some people, eh?)

Went out long enough last night to pick up his meds at VBH's Pharmacy.

He is still sleeping this morning. But, like most who know me as the morning person I'm NOT, he knows I need coffee, cigs, and at least one hour to convert into my human form. To do otherwise....well, let's just suffice it to say it's not a pretty picture.

Larry awoke around 9:30ish this morning. Perhaps the Immodium 2 times per day isn't quite out of the picture yet, afterall. LOL I know, I know....TMI! But, honestly, this is a good thing. At least the cancer has not totally blocked his rectum. That's good news! He had two boiled eggs for breakfast, coffee w/hazelnut creamer, and a small ice water. Plus his usual dialysis day cocktail of pills.

Anyway, today is dialysis day for him, so I have to get in gear. Below are pictures of some of Larry's favorite techs.


1st Picture: Jim (RN), Todd (Tech), & Andrea (Tech)
2nd Picture: Andrea getting ready to take Larry off the dialysis machine.

Latest update on Larry...

I had to call the Hospice nurse, Missy, this morning. She suggested I talk to Larry's oncologist, Dr. Paul. I did this. I explained to her about the lumps and how rapidly they seem to be growing. I went into detail regarding the larger one of the three which is extended over his spine by a good 2 inches now. The old sacral wound from 2003 is getting deeper (about 3/4 of an inch now). I asked Dr. Paul what to expect now that the cancer seems to have spread so rapidly. We are hoping his intestines won't burst due to the rectum being blocked, although there is some leakage. We are trying to induce a bowel movement with MOM and another laxative called Miralax.

His pain patches are now being changed every 2 days instead of 3, and the dosage has increased from 75mcg to 100mcg.

The dreaded topic came up about remaining time. Dr. Paul said we are no longer talking months, only weeks. I have relayed all this information to Larry because he wants to stop his dialysis and go peacefully. Dr. Paul said she didn't want to sound morbid, but at least he does have that option. His goal has always been to make it to his 61st birthday - the 21st of this month - since being told 2 months ago that he "maybe has 6 months". Dr. Paul seems to think that's likely. Needless to say, this news has been another jolt to both of us. Larry is taking it well and is even on his computer as I type this playing Mah-Jong.

Larry's Dad & Ruby Visit on Our Anniversary Weekend!

Lyle - Larry's dad - and Ruby - his stepmother - drove all the way from Florida back in late April to visit with Larry and I. They took us out to dinner at Outback Steakhouse for our 7th wedding anniversary. It seems that all the "local" restaurants are closed on Sundays here. Don't even want to begin to go into the run around town to only come back to OS. LOL! All-in-all, it was a wonderful visit. We enjoyed seeing them both again looking so well. Below are a few pictures from that visit!

Lynell and Alyce visit over the July 4th weekend!

Below are a few pictures from Lyn's - his sister - and Alyce's - his mom - holiday weekend visit. It seems every time Lyn comes in, I end up putting up a new ceiling fan somewhere. This time, I installed one in my kitchen! Below are some pictures of their visit. Psssst...Lyn! I'm not putting up the other ceiling fan if you come back next weekend. LOL

Rob, Kevin & Craig Visit!

The guys came in for the weekend after Father's Day and just kicked back and relaxed with their dad. It was the first time Rob had seen his dad since 2003. I disappeared for most of their visit to give them the opportunity to chit-chat and do the male-bonding thing. Lots to catch up on, I'm sure. Larry also shared his famous macaroni-n-cheese recipe with Kevin. Another great visit! Below are a few pictures.

Also, my mom and two sisters came down on Saturday morning to visit. They spent most of the day and finally managed to drag me away from our front porch long enough to go in a store or two. They had wanted to take me out for lunch, but I rarely eat breakfast or lunch. Not thinking, I failed to take pictures of them with Larry or have Larry take a picture of the four of us together. This was the first time I had seen them in months. They work all the time, and I don't travel that far from home anymore.

Craig visits for Father's Day!

Larry was surprised by his son's - an Army Major - visit over the Father's Day weekend. On Sunday morning, Craig presented his dad with a new suit right down to tie, belt and shoes! Then, once he told his dad to put on his suit, they didn't have a lot of time. Larry asked if they were going somewhere and Craig told him a limo was going to pick them up and take them to the movies to see The Hulk. The limo driver also rode them around town. A great guy and one that is professional and accommodating. Couldn't thank the driver enough for making Larry's transition from wheelchair to limo and vice-versa so unstressful. Below are a few pictures.

Alyson's visit over Memorial Day!

Alyson, Justin - her dear hubby - and their 3 children (Mercedes, Aurora, and JT), along with Justin's little sister, Faith, all visited for several days during the Memorial Day week! What a great family. The children have been so well mannered...and quiet. Absolutely wonderful children! Below are some great pictures from the visit!

Alyson, Kevin, JT, and Sam Visit!

Kevin, Alyson, and two grandsons (JT & Samuel) visited with Larry back in mid-May 2008 while Larry was in LGH due to weakness in legs and mini-strokes.

Larry and I had just been informed the day before his admission to LGH by his oncologist that he "maybe has 6 months" left due to his rectal cancer.

(From Left to Right) Kevin, Sam, Alyson, and JT

Larry left LGH and went into a nursing home for 12 days - his limit - for P/T and O/T.

(Left) Grandpa Larry gets a big bear hug from Samuel. This is the first time Larry has met Kevin's son, Sam.

(Right) Kevin watches as Sam and JT share Grandpa Larry's sherbert.